Arguing creates another problem in difficult conversations: it inhibits change. Telling someone to change makes it less rather than more likely that they will. This is because people almost never change without first feeling understood.

We do not like anything we do not understand and we seldom understand anything that differs decidedly from ourselves.

Accordingly, just as it is easier to change the frosting on a cake than to change the inside, it is easier to change a man's religion than to change his activities.

The human ego is so constituted that we tend to like all interesting people who do not offer us opposition.